Last night, I was watching a tv show on Rabb.it with a friend of mine, and somehow we fell down two different ends of a rabbit hole conversation, and when we met in the center, all I found was indifference and a lot of frustration. I’ve known for a bit that his philosophy on life is apathetic, self-destructive, and ultimately suicidal, but until last night, I never realized just how aggressively so it was.
I told him it was hypocritical, and I found it impossible at the time to find the words to explain why that was, It was very difficult to tell him why he should value his own existence without making mention of other people’s feelings. I don’t want him to think of other people when he thinks of this. I want him to consider his own life and nothing else.
This afternoon, I found the words to explain. They were late to arrive, but I may as well post them. If I could go back to last night and tell him just one more thing, this is what I would say:
Value your own life as you do the lives of others. If you take from yourself, give to yourself something equally as valuable as what you took. To not treasure the person you know best, whose body bears you through every day and whose joy and agony you feel more intensely than anyone else’s, is to short-change all life in each and every individual appraisal you give it.
Basically, if you care about existence in any form, your own has to be included in that. You cannot experience anything as fully as it deserves to be experienced, and as fully as you deserve to appreciate it, if you don’t also appreciate yourself enough to live to experience it.