Today is day two of my super scholar week, and I just realized that I might be incapable of being a “casual reader,” or, at the very least, I find it very difficult to be. If I don’t have time to devote my full attention to analyzing and taking notes as I read, I just don’t read at all. Even reading nonsense on the tumbloid, I find it really difficult to disengage from the “analyze and critique” mindset. Moreover, I don’t really see how it would be more beneficial to do so than to let that mindset just be.
I also find that eloquence comes much more naturally to me now, and I’m more aware of the connotations of every word I employ in making any point. I’ve become a scholar down to my very bone marrow, and you know what? I’m happy that way. It’s what I’ve always wanted. Whatever I’ve sacrificed to achieve this, the benefits no doubt far outweigh what I lose.
I woke up this morning and realized that I’d been doing peer reviews of my own half-asleep nonsense thoughts and demanding citations and evidence for things that were really just barely-conscious opinions (no doubt the residue of yesterday’s hyper-focused studying) and that was slightly annoying, but after that, I found myself unable to lie in bed for another couple minutes like I normally would, because that would have been “wasting time” I could be spending learning new things, and I think overall this is something that’s going to help me meet my own expectations for myself, and so it’s something I want to cultivate and be proud of.